Update

So the first thing I'd probably say in an update is how BIG I am and how uncomfortable I feel. Don't get me wrong, I consider that a good thing! I'm looking forward to getting the ball rolling with giving birth in about 3 months! I just don't know how much bigger my belly can stretch from the last time it housed a baby! I'm still praying for little Samuel's health. And about a month ago I finally got consistent in taking prenatals again! 

David loves his new job. Honestly it's boring, but that's ok! Amazon treats their employees very well. So far, adjusting to four evenings a week apart hasn't been so bad, but it's only been two days.

One of my favorite (for lack of a better word) things lately was being asked to play for a funeral of a sweet older lady at our church. I could probably just take the "er" off of that because I'm sure she would've agreed that she was "old" at 92! She was pretty much the sweetest old lady I've ever known. It was heart wrenching to see her 60+ member family crying and hurting so much as they missed her. It was hard to play the songs I had practiced so hard because it was just so emotional! 

I have four piano students this school year! It is super fun. For now I am teaching kids of friends to gain the kind of experience that can go on a resume, doing it as favors for little money or in exchange for babysitting favors. But lately the vision has been forming in my mind to have a studio of my own when my kids are older... Which could be a while depending on how many I have. Not only would being a piano teacher be totally awesome, but it would be in line with my college education and all the years and years and hours of hard work I put into learning the piano! 

People who are unfamiliar with the cost of lessons for a beginner child would be surprised to hear that it would be about 50$ a month. But think about it: a person without a High School Diploma will easily charge 80$ a month to mow and trim your lawn weekly. And I would be asking 50$ to weekly teach your child in a one-on-one setting how to play piano, having studied it for 20 years under Drs of Piano! Piano is an art that takes a lot of practice and education. When I took lessons in high school with a Juilliard grad, they costed 200$ a month! 

So piano has been on my mind lately, if its not obvious enough :) At first I realized its a side of myself that I don't talk about that much, because I take it for granted and so few friends I know played piano that much. But it's an amazing experience to be able to be asked to play for a funeral just two days before, and to have all the previous years of hours of practice alone in a practice room (hours of being "culturally irrelevant") to be able to pull it off. The reward: seeing how it blessed a bereaved family to hear music that describes the beauty of God and heaven. Or playing for weddings! I've done at least 5. I try to pick music that is beautiful and worshipful. The great thing about weddings is that there is more time to prepare! 

Anyhoo, I'm neglecting my motherly duties! 

Positive Job Update!

Today God provided David with a way out of UPS! His work there, mainly for the last 3 years in a supervisory role, has been just short of psychological torture. I'd rather not go into details here, but let me just say this: Don't become a front-line supervisor at UPS Worldport.

Moving on! David will now be working at the local Amazon.com fulfillment center right near us in our home town! He'll still be working third shift and will still also work at Sacred Heart Model School as their After School Care Director. He'll have to drop one of the two seminary classes he's taking this semester. He'll probably get in pretty good shape and get to grow his goatee back :) Those are the least of the perks of course. We will save big on gas money and wear and tear on our car, and he'll get a 3 day weekend, at least from Amazon. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm fully aware that our new schedule we be just as crazy as it always has been! (See my recent post about this) But it will be a lot less stressful in some very important ways. 

Practically, his new schedule fleshes out to be about 5 more hours of work a week. I know... More hours! For now, he'll be gone the entire evenings of tuesday through friday starting next week. When he came home from the interview today to ask me before accepting the position, it was hard for me to say yes... but not that hard. 

When you have a family you all have to make sacrifices. It's just what we have to do to get by, and there's no other way to do it right now. For this season I'm giving up the evenings we've had together and replacing them with lunches together, but only four days a week. Carson's nap will start later, around 1 now. Further, instead of about an hour and a half round-trip commute to UPS for David, that time will be spent working at a place only 10 minutes from our house. Also, this job is full-time. UPS never was, and it is very difficult to get full-time employment where he was at. At Amazon, he could easily be promoted and make enough to only have to work ONE JOB to make enough. We're teaming up to do this for our mental health. Ironic, I know.

Needless to say, I'd love to have friends over in the evenings now! Especially for dinner or play dates for the kids. 


 

We're having another BOY :)

On Monday the 29th we went for the extensive 20 week ultrasound and found out we are having another boy! I'm pretty excited. I think boys are fun, and though I have a sort of grieving process for the frills, pinks and dresses for now, I've ever been a huge fan of those things anyway. And for now God has made us the mother and father of two boys!

Here are some shots from the ultrasound. (Per David's request, no pics of boy parts! haha)

The Dr. scheduled me for an additional ultrasound to check out his lip, I guess to make sure he doesn't have a cleft pallet? (spelled that wrong I think) It seemed she was saying they just couldn't see it. He sure was moving a lot during the ultrasound and the technician and I had to take a break from it and let me walk around to see if he would move differently so she could get a front shot better. It was almost an hour long actually!

Thoughts on trying for a VBAC

I'm almost halfway through this pregnancy with our second child, so what to do when it's time for him/her to arrive has been on my mind more lately! I have two options: a scheduled C-section at 39 weeks (around December 10), or trying for a VBAC. The new OB I had been seeing at JFW had had a month to look at my op report to make sure I had the lowest-risk incision to try for a VBAC, so at my last appointment with her 5 days ago I asked her about it. She said I was in the clear and had the best incision, which she said most Doctors do today anyway (low transverse).

But she also told me that there was a 5 to 10% chance of something going wrong, and when it goes wrong it is almost impossible to save the baby. She also said that there is a greater chance of stillbirth when a woman goes past 41 weeks. Now, the percentage above is enough to dissuade me from thinking of a VBAC. The OB gave me two pamphlets published by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynocologists, one on Caesarean Birth and one on VBAC. 

Within the next couple days I read through the pamphlets and found that both pamphlets had a much more of a favorable description of a VBAC than my OB had given. The VBAC pamphlet said that the most serious risk of a uterine rupture is less that 1% with the kind of incision I have. Another source said it is a .47% chance! Further, other than saying there is a 60-80% success rate of TOLAC (trial of labor after Cesarean), the only other figure mentioned was the one I just said - the very low and rare risk of uterine rupture. No mention of this 5-10% chance of baby dying. Hhhhmmmmmmmm.....

Yet I was no longer ruling it out for one MAJOR reason: Lord willing, we want to have at least one or two more kids, possibly more, after this 2nd one! The pamphlet warned that if a woman wants to have more kids, having another Caesarean birth is not the best for her. The VBAC pamphlet says, "For women planning to have more children, VBAC may help them avoid problems linked to multiple cesarean deliveries. These problems include hysterectomy, bowel or bladder injury, and certain problems with the placenta." The Cesarean Birth Pamphlet warns, "... the more cesarean births a woman has, the greater her risk for some medical problems and problems with future pregnancies. This may not be a good option for women who want to have more children." That last quote from the pamphlet all about Cesarean births is what finally got me. I knew at this point that the best thing would be to try for a VBAC and I sought out more advice. My friend Becca put me in touch with a doula (me talking to a doula is an occurrence I honestly didn't see coming) and I got more information from her as well.

I won't try to have a VBAC just to climb Mt Everest, prove how awesome I am, what a great Mom I am (I'm not, fyi). I'm not militantly granola and I find that kind of mindset cultish, narrow-minded, judgmental, legalistic and burdensome. Just to be brutally honest. (I don't feel like I have any close friends who fall into that category, those of you reading this. lol. I get this from the things I read online.)

We are all told that childbirth is a natural process and that nothing usually goes wrong, that we don't need all this "medical intervention". But from the standpoint of our Creator, "natural" is a slippery word. Before the fall, yes, birth was easily "all-natural" and probably a lot less painful and didn't result in death. But now sin and it's result, death, is at work all over the world and has effected our bodies. Childbirth is no longer easy as it was originally created. Women used to write goodbye letters to their husbands before going in labor, so many women would die in childbirth before this age of medical advancement! And the fact remains that my labor did not progress with Carson, and if this happens again I will have to have a C-section. It may never be known if my labor would have progressed after the 8 hours I was in it with Carson, but I'd like to find out this time for the sake of my and my future children's health! So that I feel like David and I can have as many kids as the Lord allows without taking some major risks.

I will have a thousand questions for the nurse practitioner when I meet with her in early August. I've had a few questions buzzing around my head concerning the Dr. that delivered Carson. My mom's labor with me was long because I was her first. But after they broke my water, Carson only had 8 hours to get out before I had a C-section. What if the Dr. had let me labor through the night to see what would've happened? His vitals were fine. I had only gone from 2 to 4 cm, and most of that was earlier in the day. It had probably been 5 or so hours with no progress, still at 4 cm. By 6 PM I had the Dr (via speakerphone... ugh!), David, and David's mom standing around my hospital bed, waiting for me to say whether or not I was going to have a C-section after having been persuaded by the Dr. that I should. David's mom didn't say a word, but David was convinced by the Doctor. I was very drugged, physically and emotionally drained, and frightened! As was David. I felt relief when I decided to have a C-section. The experience itself was not so bad, nor was the recovery process.

My regrets with this are that,
1) I had been induced into labor with Carson instead of letting it come on its own. It seemed to me that labor coming in its own is much better. Or at least waiting to induce a little longer. I wonder if the labor with Carson was so slow because my body was not on board, and also slightly malnourished. 
2) I opened myself up to having a C-section as early as my 38 week appointment when the Dr gave me the doom and gloom speech about shoulder dystocia, or even as early as the first appointment when I told the Dr comically that I'm not all about natural childbirth, meaning without pain meds.
3) That I allowed the time crunch before Christmas, and my Dr's personal schedule, to pressure me into inducing. I could've easily had another Dr deliver Carson if she was busy. But I was too unsure of what birth was like and was scared of the whole process. (I've always been scared of health events honestly. Especially barfing. Don't get me started on my honeymoon! lol)

Like my mom said to me the other day, C-sections are sometimes medically necessary and thank God for that! But I'm unsure whether mine was. In fact, I highly doubt it was.

10 weeks today!

Recent Stuff from April and May

We've made a little progress on our basement with the help of some friends, and David working on it after work!

I got an awesome deal on cloth diapers online, but other than that I've not taken on too much the last few weeks! Nausea came earlier this time, along with fatigue. My allergies have been horrible! Baby #2 is already 9 weeks, and is due 3 days after Carson's 2nd birthday! I saw the healthy heartbeat of 170 yesterday and left Carson with some friends from church. I realized that we have had no need to do that for the last several months, so after I drove away I started to worry! I completely trust my friends, but I guess I just had mommy separation anxiety. I just don't scream and cry ;)

Mother's Day was wonderful! I love that holiday now that I am one and understand it more. I almost like it more than my birthday. Christmas however is going to be NuTs for the rest of our lives, with two kids with Dec. birthdays within 10 days of Christmas! I was thinking that we would have Carson's parties in early December and baby #2's around New Year. That way they both still have parties and I have a month between them... Lol!

I hope we have a girl so I'm not outnumbered. 

In other news our garden is a big trial-and-error zone this spring. The peas are still ok, but many seeds haven't sprouted. I suspect the birds! Our herbs are ok but depending on the type of pot and the climate, some do better than others! I can't wait to have a home-grown salad, even if it is made of just peas.

We miss our families a lot. We have a couple get together this summer, so hopefully I can get done good pictures of all of us together! 

Happy News

I thought it would be interesting to read later on what all my thoughts were in the first 4 hours of finding out we are having our 2nd child (in chronological order):

-(looking at the two positive pregnancy tests with Carson complaining in the background because I left him alone for 1 minute) Oh snap. Too late to prevent this (as in I wasn't sure if I was ready)
-*tears of joy*
-Woohoo!!!
-Tell Carson he's gonna be a big brother! give him hugs and kisses.
-There's a little heart beating inside of me!
-Make a sign to surprise David when he pulls into the driveway in 5 minutes. (sign said, "Dec. 2013 <3")
-Oh yay I get to make that 2nd child announcement shirt I saw in Pinterest! (Only Child, expires such-and-such date)
-Oops! better feed Carson. Hands shaking in excitement, too excited to decide what to feed him! shaking too much to buckle his high chair! Just give him cheerios for now.
-*David sprints inside and we hug and cry*
-Call parents! grandparents! siblings! close friends! Can't wait to tell them!
-Oh yeah... a two year old and a newborn - LOL.
-We really need some more cloth diapers!
-Lots of texting and calling!
-So excited I'm queasy. That Ham and Bean soup suddenly doesn't smell so good. It's all in my head.
-Lets discuss what we want to do about some things - I'd like to keep the name to ourselves until he/she is born.
-Operation VBAC - eek!
-Yay! now we have extra motivation to get the basement back in order!
-Children are such a blessing from the Lord. He has truly blessed us with another.
-Praying I don't miscarry, but trusting that this child is in His hands whether in my womb or in heaven!
-Wondering how many kids we will have in total some day, and when/if we can adopt.
-God is making my heart bigger.
-I want toast.
-Now I can put the impossible venture for flat abs on hold for at least another year :)
-Yay!

Please don't say anything on FB yet :)

Blogging took a back burner...

Like any wife and mom, I can always say that my life is "crazy". But these past two or so weeks were extra-super-crazy! One crisis after another! When it rains, it pours. 

First, our basement flooded. It was like a nightmare that came to life! Praise God for our church family, some of whom came at midnight that saturday to help us pull up carpet, vac up water, move furniture and tear our wet padding! It was us vs. gushing water! It was a furious race! It was just nuts! 

After we ripped out drywall to minimize damage - rental fans blowing most of the week

This is where the pipe burst - a former spigot that was POORLY capped off! imagine a spigot running INSIDE your wall.

Water seeped through the walls into the 3rd bedroom

The brick on the other side of the leak, where the spigot used to be, was still wet after a day or two! no rain had come either...

nasty

So anyhoo we just had an adventure, and it took a lot of time on the phone to talk to insurance people and get restoration companies to come out with estimates. Since we want to do as much as we can on our own, it's gonna take longer than if we just paid someone to do every little thing. So besides using the washer and dryer, maybe the toilet, and jumping over boxes to get to the pantry, we don't use our family room or third bedroom anymore :(

At this point I can say that I miss renting, but only a little.

All three of us also got colds. Other kinds of crises occurred around the same time too, and it's been an emotionally and physically exhausting week! 

I don't really need any pity though. We are truly blessed in every way. We live in a time and place of abundance and things like this are easily taken care of! I can't imagine living in a time and place where there would be no money and help to do this. I guess people such a time and place have more handyman skills by necessity though...

 Right now David's parents are here for the weekend, and we've had a good time relaxing and laughing with them. Today, trying to squeeze David, Glenn and Carson in his massive car seat all in the back seat of our tiny Kia Rio was pretty funny. What's also laughable is that it took the five of us 2 hours to obtain lunch - between getting ready, trying to all fit in our car and figuring out where to eat! Though my "hanger" at the time made it not funny to me right then.

In conclusion however, just to be completely honest... My heart has just been really laid bare this week (not just cuz of the stupid basement). Who is my hope? Where is my trust? Do I try to blend in with the culture around me to find truth, or do I turn to God for it? Do I live to make sure people think I'm "legit" or do I live for God regardless of what people think of me, especially those who are cynical and predisposed to not like me? Do I hunger for the light of God? Do I "hate" my brother or sister in Christ (as mentioned in 1 Jn)? Am I doing what I should be doing right now, or am I just being selfish with my time, neglecting my family? 

It's a hard battle sometimes, working through all this. I feel constantly at war between pleasing man and pleasing God. It's like Paul's thorn in the flesh. It's a sin struggle that I feel like I will never overcome. It makes me weak as a Christian... so worried about what others could possibly think about me, and so caught up in their glory rather than God's glory. 

This is one of the things I absolutely despise about my age-group (the millenials) right now: we are taking worship to a whole new level. Worship of ourselves, of our things, of our food, of our significant other... It's not "cool" to worship God, no. It's trite, self-righteous and narrow-minded to praise God publicly, especially face-to-face. It can shock some people, to actually say "praise Jesus" in normal conversation... I mean, people who call themselves Christians. 

Yet this is where my heart truly is. I want to let my light shine and let people see Jesus in me. But I know I've failed at that time and again. I'm sorry to people I've known who haven't seen this side of me like they should. I hide it for fear of their opinion of me. I pray that God continues to free me from my fear of man so that I can praise Him freely, no matter what the cost.

Recent stuff

Not much exciting has been going on around here! I recently finished he second of the 3 books I mentioned: the one by Rosaria Champagne Butterfield. It was beyond words and God used it in a mighty way in my life. I highly recommend it!

Things continue as normal around here! David is busy with work and school and I am busy at home. Our house is never clean. Just part of life and parenthood.

Visit to Hickory

Hickory is David's hometown and where all of his family lives.

us @ New Life

confined!

buddies

Late January early February pics and fun!

We paid a friend, Courtney, so we went on a date with a gift card to Comfy Cow, a local ice cream place.

Friends from our church were replacing ALL of their living room and kitchen furniture, and they were generous and wanted to bless someone! So look what we got for them! crazy, huh?

The hutch from our church friends. This kind of generosity is normal in our church.

Another view of that furniture

These are the heirloom seeds from David's Christmas money for our garden!

Here's the mulch/compost we got for our garden. We're still working on shoveling it, but we're about halfway done!

On February 8th we had a freak warm day, in the 60's! So Carson helped me shovel, sorta

I tried going to Starbucks with Carson, but not much relaxing took place. From L to R: my spinach feta wrap, Carson's sippy, my iced mocha, and Carson's food! He got a lot of attention. I also ran into a girl that was in the choir I accompanied for 3 years ago! wait, 4.

After Starbucks I took Carson to a more kid-friendly place. The Rec Center @ the Seminary.

It was so cute watching him play with the trains!

Carson's almost 14 months and is sleeping with blankets and snuggling with them. We'd been using a sleepsack up til now! :)

Carson and Daddy: best buds :)

A gentleman and a scholar, in his new sweater, standing by our fine furniture.

Carson and Mama :)

This past week

Stomach bug germs

Well I really hope this week is better than last! Last week I got what Carson had twice. First on Sunday and then it returned on Wednesday. I thought Wednesday's was indigestion from something I cooked, but now David has it too as of last night (Sunday). So it must have been contagious. Last week I didn't get any housework done, so it's a mess. I just laid around getting better. And I'm sorry to say this, but I have never been so glad to see solid stools! And to actually be hungry! For a whole week I didn't want to eat but made myself. Appetites and normal stools are something to be thankful for :) 

Anyhoo, a highlight of this week was doing the emceeing for a friend's baby shower at church on saturday, when I was all better. I was asked to because the other lady who usually does them for church showers didn't want to. I wasn't really brave enough to volunteer to and I was honestly pretty nervous, but wanted them to have a good shower. I got more confidence though when I found some funny games online, and laughing at the thought of people I know at church doing those things really helped. I also prayed about it. I think it turned out ok, though honestly I don't think emceeing celebrations is for me! Is 'emcee' even the right word for that?

But while feeling bad I also spent time online (surprise) and I've always loved the funny pictures and memes on pinterest. But they are filled with bad words and I have to weed through the immoral ones. Anyway, I've always thought the one below was really funny, so I edited out the bad word! :)

 

This week's highlights

Do those fingers taste good?

This week actually had highlights so I thought I'd write 'em here! 

The biggest blessing for our family this week was David's job at Sacred Heart being made year-round. God continues to provide work for him and one of the results is that I continue to be a stay-at-home mom :) The best part is, though his job is in a different part of the school, they are honoring his current wage and even letting him work the same hours in the afternoons. Sacred Heart has always been very good to David and has honestly been the best employer ever. 

Other than that, I sought fellowship with ladies from church and we spent some time together this week! I enjoyed seeing Becca and Angela. I also enjoyed helping Beth out after she got a root canal. I love her kids. 

But while me and Carson were there we shared the stomach bug germs. (But honestly, I'd rather get sick a little more often and be involved in each others' lives than be healthy but home alone. ...Though I'm pretty sure we were the carriers of the germs, which I still feel bad about.) For all these things David graciously either watched Carson or dropped us off before going to work.

The downside of this week is missing Elsbeth's baby shower :( I had a gift (well, gift(s)) all prepared for her, but as we are not in the clear with the stomach bug, there was no way I was gonna risk it. I just hope the next time I write here doesn't include the words, "Then I got the stomach bug" or, "David got it too". I used lysol, bleach, and all the laundry is done. One can only hope and pray.

Oh and by the way, cloth diapers hold in diarrhea way better than disposables ;)

Carson's Birthday (#1)

On Carson's actual first birthday we had David's mom and my paternal grandparents stop by for a visit! 

 But that's actually how the day ended. At lunchtime that day Carson was pretty silly and I got a lot of good pictures of him! 

He laughs when I laugh, and I laugh when he laughs.

Birthday card!

The secret to veggies - bacon.

Laughing!

 

 

I MELTED!

 So after a fun lunch, me and David's mom made some cupcakes for Carson!

 And later that night he ate it... it was hilarious!

Mmmmm... frosting!

Sucking and sucking that frosting!

 I also wrestled Carson down to get a picture of him in some goodies that grandma brought. 
 

So that's about it for Carson's birthday day. It was actually not the greatest day for us (or for Newtown, CT). Please pray for David's employment situation. I won't go into details here and now... Today Carson has a party with friends from church and seminary, but my throat is scratchy and David has a cold too!