Reflections on Quiet (by Susan Cain)

Quiet now sits in the hands of the Jeff library circulation desk people, who kindly informed me when I asked to renew it a second time that I cannot because of their fairness policy. hahahaha. Of course I can go check it out again tomorrow, but I just don't have time...

I had a hard time finishing this book because of my busyness in my current occupation... :) And honestly, I had to skim through most of the second half of the book. So I'll make no claims of expertise on her expertise or anything.

If you're curious, based on her quiz of common traits of each, I'm actually about 60% introvert and 40% extrovert. Surprised me, but the more I read, the more I realized it! I come across to people I know as extroverted, and yes I can be very social, but that is from years of training in church and MBI to be bold about my faith. What she said about the extrovert ideal in American culture spreading even to evangelicalism is so true. Many churches/organizations I've volunteered in have stressed being outgoing.

I think, however, there needs to be caution to some extent of focusing too much on dividing people into two clear-cut categories. Though the author also mentions that caution here or there, she usually followed it with words like, "Yet..." "However..."etc. She always seemed to point to data insisting on a dichotomy like this. Also, as I came across the studies and descriptions in the book, I would try to put either myself or my husband into her oft-described categories, and we had traits on both sides. Both of us.

I still found myself bothered by her equating introversion with wisdom, humility, genius creativity, and extroversion with impulsiveness, superficiality, etc. I think this in part comes from her non-biblical worldview, in which a lot of people blend together moral traits with personality traits, making them both unchangeable and non-moral issues.

Overall though, I really loved all of her research and data behind what she wrote, and found it to be very true and applicable. It's refreshing to see someone out there exposing the extrovert ideal and GroupThink for what it really is - peer pressure and a popularity contest. hahaha!

Thanks to my mom...

I grew up around a lot of scrap booking and scrap booking supplies... perhaps you've heard of Creative Memories? :) Well, mom sent me a lot of scrap booking supplies recently and here's some of the result! 

This is going to be Carson's first year photo album. I was going to go digital, but that actually costed more! So this is only the first 4 months of it. 

b/w photos by prima luce photography

1-2 weeks

4 & 8 wks

6-12 wks

3 mos

4 mos

rolling over & 4 mos

6:28 pm

Random blue-ish slime!

In the spot next to mine at Aldi today there was this:

It looked even weirder in person! I instantly thought of all the slime I saw on Nickelodeon growing up. But usually that was green. So my guess is that this slime is not man-made. It's alien-made! 

As you can see below, I have fabricated proof of UFOs in Jeff. 

There it is, flying off into the sun.

(It's actually something on the windshield or a bag flying in the wind. Forgot which.)

Aldi is awesome!

Playtime Oct 21st

banging is always involved!

crawling at super-speed!

a quick stop at this toy before moving to the next!

Fall at Southern

The other day we took a trip as a family to the seminary so David could copy sources for an exegetical paper on Matt. 19:1-12 :) And lucky I brought my camera because the leaves were breathtaking! Southern has awesome landscape, and when I worked there the landscapers were working all day every day on it! 

behind the library. I love the sun!

walking up toward the great lawn

one view of Legacy, where I used to work

leaves on Godfrey rd, behind Legacy

leaves 

more leaves

bright yellow leaves!

red and green in succession

sun on the leaves

Messes

Baby makes messes

I make messes

Baby and I make messes

stupid low-quality baby food spoon makes messes

photo-happy non-smart phone makes messy pictures

espresso makes messes

Visit with our friends

Our friends have a bouncy and affectionate Korean dog named Eli, and he loooves babies. So he licked Carson wherever skin was exposed when we visited them last weekend! 

guess I'm one of those 'laid-back' moms

Carson loved it

Carson at 10 mos, myself, Elsbeth and baby girl :)

We're so excited for Elsbeth to have her little girl in February! And as you can see, she's going to have a great sibing in Eli. 

I didn't get pics of Elsbeth's parents or their dogs, one of which is Maggie, our old dog. But there were behind the camera! :) 

Update Fall 2012

This week has been a little eventful for us... I got a(nother) part time job cleaning with a homemaker in St. Matthews. I already teach piano to two adorable kids :) I've also been working on our budget and we've decided to make some cuts to our bills and be a little more strict with it. We want to try and save up!

David has a cough/chest infection that has been hanging on for almost 4 weeks now, but the Dr. at the seminary gave him some steroids and other drugs and he's doing better! We're also excited that after this semester he'll have only 9 credits left before he graduates. His jobs are going well. He's pretty used to working third shift after doing it for almost 4 years now! Our dilemma is how to make this end. He's working on tests and paperwork at UPS to possible get another promotion someday. But we aren't super crazy about UPS, you know? : /

Our little guy is everywhere and unless I put him in a pack'n'play, it's hard to leave him for more than 10 seconds. He doesn't like playing in a play pen, so it's hard for me to want to hear him fuss at me while I do some housework. I guess he's gonna have to learn to be okay with it at times. I hear that moms with messier houses have happier kids. I need to get a sign that says, "Pardon our mess, memory making in progress" or something.

source: http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/61pj2AwNMzL._SL1000_.jpg

I've been asked handful of times when we will have another kid, and it's been on our minds, but we really don't know. Right now wouldn't be the greatest time, especially if we make it a family goal to find a better job for David.

To be continued...

A Few Everyday Moments

A few messes

Chewing on objects not made for chewing

Usually some roughhousing is involved

Story time each night with mommy or daddy

Carson is everywhere

These pictures were taken on my not-smart phone within a span of 2 or 3 minutes... a.k.a., snapshot into what I do a lot of the day! :)

Carson's 10 month summary photo

Well, it's only been a month, but a lot can happen in a month. :) Plus, I'd like to get a hang of this photoshop thing. I tried to pick new things he loves, and he finds new things every day! The funny thing about this picture is that he is folding the kitchen rug over his knee. oh well :)

Reading "Quiet" as an Extrovert, #2

I finished the first part of the book today, which is actually the longest part. The whole point of part 1 is to introduce how American culture has idealized being extroverted to its detriment, and that the ideal cultural function would really be a balance between the two.

I enjoyed the introduction, and by Susan Cain's informal standards, I may not be 100% extrovert. I love solitude, and I do prefer to be a lone to think a lot. More on that later.

I also notice that Cain is very proud of being an introvert. I understand that she writes as an introvert herself and probably doesn't see anything wrong with her pride, but as she describes the stupidity of extroversion's harmful dominance of our society in chapter one, I get the impression that she thinks extroversion is the big evil in the U.S. today. I could be wrong about that, so don't quote me.

On a positive note, I really enjoyed her insights in the Intro and first chapter. It helps to understand introversion as in a person's nature and a part of God's beautiful design. I agree that our culture needs introverts.

Chapter two takes stock of today's leaders, drawing on the history of the rise of extroversion in chapter one. Her description of Harvard Business School, for example, really scared me.

Among the myriad of research and studies she discusses, she brings out a point that introverts leading extroverts are more effective than extroverts leading introverts though a couple of studies. "...it makes sense that introverts are uniquely good at leading initiative-takers" (57). I've found this so true in my own life! As in, I love following the lead of someone who is quiet, vs. cowering under a domineering, yelling person. Who doesn't?

But along with this example, Cain makes one point that I think blurs the line between the definition of "extrovert" and "proud". She says, "Extroverts, on the other hand, can be so intent on putting their own stamp on events that they risk losing others' good ideas along the way and allowing workers to lapse into passivity." I see that this statement is softened with "can" versus "do [put their stamp on events]", and that she says two sentences later that extroverts are better at getting results than introverts. But on the same token, I notice this tendency in the first 50-odd pages, that I hope doesn't continue: that is, making pride and extroversion partners, and humility and introversion partners. Repetitively she describes obnoxious extroverts, shallow extroverts, and selfish extroverts.

In my view, extroversion is not equivalent to obnoxiousness, superficiality or selfishness. It's a Venn diagram. I struggle with selfishness not because I am an extrovert but because I am a human with a sin nature, like 100% of humans.

On the same token, I have found myself being obnoxious, saying things I regret, and being selfish. I do wish I was more introverted at times, and I admire introverted qualities in my friends and family a lot! I just hope they don't only see me or all extroverts as obnoxious and selfish. Of course, taking time to dwell on the faults of those around you can make you pretty proud, whether or not you are introverted or extroverted.

I look forward to reading the rest of the book as time allows, and am glad that the entire book is not only critique.

One more thing... Susan Cain and I don't share many similar views on human nature and creation, so I'll be more skeptical than the average reader. I will be pointing out flaws, but I suppose I'm allowed to do that on my blog. :)

Reading "Quiet" as an Extrovert

My dear friend Elsbeth recently recommended that I read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain. I picked it up from the library today and have already made headway into chapter one. But before I read it I want to write down some thoughts, and see if they change by what this lady writes.

I married an introvert and my close friends are all introverts. My mom is an introvert. But I'm an extrovert.

Sometimes there are struggles as someone who is as expressive, vocal and confrontational as me to be friends or in family with people who are more quiet and thoughtful. The first struggle is that I feel stupid a lot. Sometimes it's hard not to say some of the first things that come into my brain. It's nice to write on the internet and have a filter there, so it makes me less stupid sounding. :) With my introverted husband (he pretends to be extroverted outside the home) I apologize a lot. Most of the time, he listens and I talk. He is very thoughtful and processes life non-verbally. I, on the other hand, verbally process most things.

The feeling of stupidity is so strong that I don't quite resound with the books first premise: that extroversion is held in high esteem in our society. Not in my little society! (And, not for at least a third of Americans, according to Cain) Many times I feel like the people I know have to bear with me.

I recently re-read my favorite novel, Pride and Prejudice, and noticed that Mrs. Bennet, along with being pretty shallow, is an extrovert and is thought foolish for showing "violent" emotion and having "effusions" of joy or lots of "nervous complaints". She is a huge extrovert, and the protagonist Lizzy is an introvert - I think. Yet Lizzy is smart, and her mom and younger sister Lydia, the extroverts, are stupid. Great, now I feel stupid even reading my favorite novel!

The second struggle is a feeling of imbalance in relationships. As an extrovert I initiate a lot of things with my friends, or at least I have more in the past. When they don't initiate as much, or barely at all, in return, it begins to give me the impression that they don't like me as much, or that they only see me out of obligation because I seem needy to them. It has actually been painful at times. In my marriage I share a lot of my feelings and thoughts on a daily basis. My husband on the other hand, when asked how he "feels" about something, he needs time to think about it.

Thirdly, as a stay-at-home Mom I get a little antsy if it's just me and my son all day. The struggle is that my husband has the personality for my job and I have the personality for his jobs!

The main reason I want to read and learn from this book is for my marriage. Also, I'd like to wade through these struggles and deal with the hurt feelings I have been experiencing for years now. Maybe my introverted family and friends will have input on my reflections on this book, or will want to read it themselves.

I don't know if this lady is a believer in Christ, so I will be taking things that she writes with a grain of salt. One big hunkin' grain of salt is that with pop psychology, the "victim" mentality is huge. As a Christian, I see myself in life's circumstances as both victim and victimize-r. It's only fair.

In fact, as an extrovert I tend to feel more the latter than the former. It's harder being an extrovert than our culture makes it out to be!

Homosexuality and the Bible - Not in my words :)

Here is a great response to some recent dialogue on homosexuality and the Bible by an influential and strong Christian man, a professor at the Bible college I attended. He also has a history of homosexual activity and has HIV. Because he was a professor while I was in college, I came to know him and personally benefited from his advice about my interactions with a lesbian co-worker a couple years ago. He told me that the most important thing to discuss with this girl is not her sexuality, but the Gospel.

This guy puts it better than me, but I wanted to share it to spread what God's Word really has to say about this important and tense issue.

Also, I just want to say, that I do love my gay friends. I don't hate them.

God's plans for us

This is a picture of our old apartment in May when we put the primer on right before giving the manager the keys. Yesterday I listened to a sermon by Tony Evans on Moody Radio that began with talking about hopelessness and described the hope that we have in God.

I've always loved the context of this verse, because God said this to the Israelites while they were in the midst of punishment for their rejection of God. I think this is one of those verses where it almost can't be taken out of context. Well, when it's in the context of belief in the one true God...

I'd like to continue editing photos like this, so bear with me as I learn! It's pretty fun.