Not just 'airing my opinions'

pic source: socialmediamarketinguniversity.com

I love blogging and writing (when my charge allows) and could sit in front of this cheapo screen all day reading and writing. I think I even cherish this subconscious dream of becoming a writer of sorts, though I know I couldn't and wouldn't want to handle the stress, criticism and attention.

So I content myself to read the famous blogs. In recent months I've come to see why certain bloggers or authors get famous and others don't: The blogs that attract all the attention are people ranting and venting about being victimized in some form or another. Even worse, sometimes these bloggers have only a beginning or absolutely no formal education in the topic they are ranting about. And their readers, including myself, would rather read a short but attention-getting blog post rather than go to the library and read a more thoroughly researched, professionally edited and published work on the topic.

I notice that when I write about how I've been mistreated by someone and get snappish with my words, giving vent to my anger, that the post gets a lot of hits and feedback. When I write about every day things, being faithful in caring for family or just updates, or what God is teaching me through the Bible, it's usually not noticed that much.

pic source www.mrmediatraining.com

I know why this is. It's in our nature to flock to passionate causes, but also in our nature to flock to that which itches our ears, which causes us to feel that satisfaction of wrath against a real or perceived injustice, to even cherish our hatred of one group of people or another. It's in our nature to be hateful. It really is.

God has convicted me of this. It is wrong for me to use online resources for passive-aggressive behavior. It is wrong for me to use online means to give vent to and nourish my bitterness or anger! And whenever I've found myself in the situation of posting something like this, I'm ashamed. I also realize that I posted that thing without praying first, and that I hadn't been in God's Word recently when I did. Instead, I marinated my mind in thoughts written by someone not in a Christ-like frame of mind, or something who denies Christ altogether. Furthermore I realize that what I posted was just my rantings and opinions, usually not researched or in adequate response to something I've thoroughly studied. It is usually and solely an emotional reaction because of my offended pride.

Could it be that the Christian life requires someone to be extra careful with what they post online? I really think so. Could it be that a faithful Christian has a 'boring' online representation of their life? Yes! And I'm ok with that. In the context of contentment in any life situation Paul wrote, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

This means that I, as someone who loves to blog about my opinions, can through Christ's strength run those opinions through His Word and test to see if they are pleasing to Him before I post them. I can deny myself the emotional satisfaction of "getting back" at someone for hurting me. I can gain the courage to approach that person and talk to them face-to-face if they have hurt me. I regret that I've not done this in the past when I should. I always suffered from guilt or drama because of it. One or more relationships were strained. Most of all, anger and bitterness were allowed to take root and grow and prosper, making their presence in my heart more permanent and dangerous. It actually causes my spirit to die, the part of me that wants to seek and love God with all my heart. It stifles the hunger I've had in the past to know Him, and eradicates the hunger for time in the Word. It makes me friendships with people surfacey and shallow, never talking about the things of the Lord. It makes my view of reality to be shaped by worldly influences rather than the refreshing power of God's revealed words.

Now that I've further realized this I hope to change it by God's grace.

Why Christians need to be cautious with Rachel Held Evans' writings

This lady has gotten attention; for her skepticism, embrace of doubt, for questioning everything about traditional American evangelicalism. Bible interpretation, women's roles, especially the word "biblical", homosexuality, gay marriage and other sexual issues are all areas that she has a voice in.

She strikes a chord with those jaded by evangelicalism. Or the cynics. Or people who have doubts that they just can't conquer. She also strikes a chord with people who are or have been part of a typical evangelical subculture or church, but who do not have the family structure that is usually desired: marriage and/or children.

These issues and viewpoints are personal and, I'm guessing, painful. They definitely cause a lot of friction. Thus when I write this I have absolutely no intention of causing more hurt. I also realize that writing as one with the desired familial structure I may not be well received.

Can the reader set aside any bias against me? I hope so. I'm simply writing as a Christian to anyone who is curious enough to know my two cents.

I've been observing Rachel Held Evans from a distance for two or three years now; reading her stuff, reviews of her stuff, articles about her or by her, etc. She's smart. I love her writing style. I resonate with many of her concerns about American evangelicalism. I too struggle with church.

But there are some things about her trains of thought, her presuppositions, her hermeneutic, her views of authority, that I think can lead to some serious betrayals of orthodox Christianity. Not evangelicalism, but Christianity. Stuff that transcends the littler issues that divided denominations or elected presidents. I'm talking core stuff.

Before I go any further, I want to say that Evans is so good with words and thoughts that I'm sure she would easily refute what I have to say. In fact, it's as if the trap has been laid, and I'll probably step right into it, for refuting anything she writes only confirms what she writes about stereotypical evangelicals. Inherent in her style is an argument that is almost impossible to refute, for she speaks out of both sides of her mouth when using her postmodern hermeneutic on God's word and world.

Nonetheless I'll say what I feel led to say: 

Following her train of thought will lead a Christian down a path that forsakes the inerrancy, authority and sufficiency of Scripture. On this train also rides those who don't truly believe, deep down, that the Holy Spirit is working in evangelical churches, which are part of Christ's body, today. In her view, it seems as if most (or all) authority in America's church is really a fabricated, man-made, and hopelessly corrupt system. Therefore we can't trust these pastors or church leaders, we can only trust ourselves.

The subtle denial of Scripture's inspiration and its implications, embracing and nurturing doubts of Scripture's authority, and lowering the Bible to the status of just another classic novel or good moral book is an age-old practice. What I see that may be new with Evans is that she blurs the line between higher and lower textual criticism, but at the core embraces a higher criticism and doesn't view Scripture as authoritative. This leaves one with a powerless social gospel, devoid of the Holy Spirit and the power of regeneration and sanctification and glorification. Jesus didn't die and physically raise from the dead in order to save us from the penalty of our sins; He just physically rose and we don't know what for.

But I see that God's Spirit is working. Yes, even in silly ol' 'Murica. And a vast majority of the Scriptures are really easy to understand and are much harder to twist than people say it is. In fact, the Bible through and through has some pretty nasty things to say to those who choose to reject God's word. It has some doubly nasty foretellings for those who lead God's children away from the gospel as well. There actually are God-given categories of thought for fear and trembling, and for God's authoritative judgment. He is our Creator.

We should fear to flout what God says in his word. We should fear his judgement for tampering with a Christian's one reliable source of eternal truth. We should also fear that we are trampling on the blood of Christ poured out for us, going back on what we had received; adoption into God's family, wholly undeserved; the inheritance of God's kingdom; the sure promises of God; an essential place to serve in the body of Christ; the gospel of peace on our feet, powerful to save and free to all; the child-like trust in God alone for reconciliation with him! We cannot throw these eternal benefits away to have our ears itched, our doubts confirmed and to feel better about not fitting a temporal man-made mold of the nuclear family! What do we get if we gain the whole world and yet lose our souls?

Dear friends, if you are a fan of RHE I make no claim to know where your heart or hers is when it comes to the Christian faith. I'm only saying what I see in what she writes. I think one should be very cautious to lock themselves into a way of thinking proselytized by a person whose fame has flourished on a platform of creating a vacuum of belief, of denying old ways, and pulling out and tossing aside foundation stones.

I also don't think that questioning things is wrong. The right or wrong is in the answer you settle on. And the standard of right and wrong belongs to God, not people.

Lastly I think this all just boils down to who you put your faith in and how you perceive the role of postmodern thought in biblical interpretation or the illumination of Scripture. If red flags don't come up in your mind when someone makes weighty claims that question millenia-old teachings of Christianity, then I fear for you.

"How do these nations serve their gods? We will do the same."

The Lord your God will cut off before you the nations you are about to invade and dispossess. But when you have driven them out and settled in their land, and after they have been destroyed before you, be careful not to be ensnared by inquiring about their gods, saying, “How do these nations serve their gods? We will do the same.” You must not worship the Lord your God in their way, because in worshiping their gods, they do all kinds of detestable things the Lord hates. They even burn their sons and daughters in the fire as sacrifices to their gods. (Deuteronomy 12:29-31 NIV)

I don't know about you, but I can see a lot of similarities between the wandering and/or exiled Israelites and us Christians today. We never belong or fit in with this world or culture. The world may even hate us as it hated Jesus and killed him on his day a couple millennia ago.

The culture wars of this week are a powerful reminder of this fact for me. Our core beliefs found in Scripture are of God, our Creator and Designer, and our call to submit to Him our entire beings! Also, that God our Creator and Savior desires our sanctification from the many forms of sexual immorality that we are tempted to! (1 Thess. 4)

In my reading today in Deuteronomy the above passage stuck out to me because I think it reveals the true motives of many Christians who compromise God's desires for family and sexuality so that they can worship our culture's idols the same way that they do.

As God's people it's a shameful thing that we look to our culture for cues on how to live and what it means to be a 'good person'. Lots of TV shows that I watch will have these 'good people' sleeping around and/or with someone they aren't married to, breaking vows and promises, lashing out in anger, withholding forgiveness, nursing grudges, abusing drugs and alcohol, wasting thousands of dollars on shopping sprees... All in the name of being a 'victim' and still a 'good person'. And then we go do the same!

Part of our call to renew our minds (Romans 12) is to forsake our culture's categories of what is good and beautiful, especially when it goes against God's word. Let's be aware of when and how we seek examples from non-believing individuals, wondering how they treat their family or spend their money.

This passage of Moses' preaching to the people of Israel was such a powerful reminder to me this morning! There is no requirement to imitate everything about our culture, even in the midst of this culture war. It's a sign of making ourselves vulnerable to the wrong person if we do! So I'll go to God with my weakness and my questions.

Butterfield's book, homosexuality, etc.

I haven't written in a while! I think it's been 11 days, which is a record. I'm sure the internet missed another person's opinions.... anyway...

I've been taking this time to let Rosaria Champagne Butterfield's testimonial book just sink into my soul. Like I said, I'm in the process of reading 3 different books giving autobiographical testimony of conversions, all of which come from some sort of sexual brokenness. This is in an effort to understand where people come from to Christ, and how better to relate to them, befriend them and love them.

And Carson starts fussing now... this is the other reason why writing blog posts is hard! Having a crazy, adventurous toddler! That being said, I don't really have time to write any kind of comprehensive review of her book. I'm glad that's not my job. So I want to write about how her book changed my life!

Rosaria went from being a feminist, lesbian English professor studying Queer Theory in New York to being now a wife, pastor's wife and adoptive parent. She describes her conversion as a trainwreck, traumatizing and just really hard! She says that as she read through the Bible to refute it, and met with her new friend, a Reformed Presbyterian minister, the Word of God got bigger in her than herself. She had a lot of ups and downs along the way, but I'll save those for your own reading.

Two things powerfully struck my in the beginning of reading this book. 1) Her critiques of American evangelicals, and 2) the role of pastor Ken Smith as a friend and advocate in her search through the Bible (before she left her lesbian lifestyle).

1) When I first read her critiques of evangelicals I was offended. I felt my face get hot as I read it. I didn't like reading all the things that people like me are doing wrong toward the gay community. I knew she was right though! When I read through this part of the book a second time, having read the story of her conversion, it was easier to read. 

Examples:

"Here is one of the deepest way Christians scared me: the lesbian community was home and home felt safe and secure; the people that I knew the best and cared about were in that community; and finally, the lesbian community was accepting and welcoming while the Christian community appeared (and too often is) exclusive, judgmental, scornful and afraid of diversity..." pg 5 (italics mine).

"[Christians] appeared to use the Bible... in order to bring the Bible into a conversation to stop the conversation, not deepen it" pg 4.

"I'm grateful that the Lord brought me to a church that was as strong on teaching as it is on compassion... My lesbian friends had to learn that not all Christians are bigots. My Christian friends had to learn that Christians have a lot to learn from gay and lesbian folks about mercy work... I didn't know how to bridge the two groups..." pgs 23-24.

Here is a long one, but this one powerfully struck me:

"Shortly after becoming a Christian, I counseled a woman who was in a closeted lesbian relationship and a member of a Bible-believing church. No one in her church knew. Therefore, no one in her church was praying for her. Therefore, she sought and received no counsel. There was no "bearing one with the other" for her. No confession. No repentance. No healing. No joy in Christ. Just isolation. And shame. And pretense. Someone had sold her the pack of lies that said that God can heal your lying tongue or your broken heart, even cure your cancer if he chooses, but he can't transform your sexuality... She said: 'Rosaria, if people in my church really believed that gay people could be transformed by Christ, they wouldn't talk about us and pray about us in the hateful way that they do.'

"Christian reader, is this what people say about you when they hear you talk and pray? Do your prayers rise no higher than your prejudice? 

"I think that churches would be places of greater intimacy and growth in Christ if people stopped lying about what we need, what we fear, where we fail, and how we sin... And I suspect that instead of seeking counsel and direction from those stronger in the Lord, we retreat into our isolation and shame and let the sin wash over us, defeating us again" pg. 25.

Wow. 

2) The friendship that this Reformed Presbyterian minister and his wife, Ken and Floy, formed with this nonChristian, Christian-hating lesbian activist was truly loving and authentic. And to be loving and authentic he did not have to approve of the homosexual lifestyle. But he did have to go against what most Christians do today, which is to separate themselves from close friendship with anyone in the LGBT community. 

There were some notable components of their friendship... the fact that he didn't just invite her to church and quote a ton of Scriptures at her, that they didn't treat her like a project, scapegoat, blank slate for them to write on, or example of warning to Christians. He didn't humiliate her. He didn't just talk about sexual issues all the time. It seems like to me they talked mostly about the Bible and Jesus and Christianity. Mainly because she was writing something against the Christian Right and needed to study the Smiths. 

She says, 

"Before I ever set foot in a church, I spent two years meeting with Ken and Floy and on and off "studying" scripture and my heart. If Ken and Floy had invited me to church at that first meal I would have careened like a skateboard on a cliff, and would have never come back. Ken, of course, knows the power of the word preached but it seemed to me he also knew at that time that I couldn't come to church - it would have been too threatening, too weird, too much. So, Ken was willing to bring the church to me. This gave me the room and the safety that I need to match Ken and Floy's vulnerability and transparency. And so I opened up to them. I let them know who I was and what I valued. I invited them into my home and into my world. They met my friends, came to my dinner parties, saw me function in my real life. They made themselves safe enough for me to do this" pgs 11-12.

After I read the whole book, one big theme concerning sin and repentance struck me: the true cost of the Christian life in denying oneself and taking up one's cross. In Rosaria's life this can be summed in this sentence: "One doesn't repent for a sin of identity in one session" pg 23. 

We all have to repent of our identities and give our whole selves to Him. We all are depraved and lost without him. And as Christians we should see ourselves on an equal plain with the rest of the condemned, non-believing world, were it not for Christ in us. 

I came away from this book wanting to make more non-believing friends and friends from the gay community. I hate that they have a hard time and many times don't have anyone to share the truth about Christ's love and sacrifice to them. 

I know that Rosaria's case is unique - she sought out this pastor after receiving a letter in response to an article she wrote. He sought her out too, but she had to initiate. She had to study the bible for herself, and she did so because of her academic goals, not because the pastor told her to. Ultimately, it was God who saved Rosaria. He only used the Smiths for a time. I pray that more Christians can do that, especially with what's going on in the U.S. today. I think next week there is some legislation on gay marriage that's getting voted on. Instead of hating the gay community and seeing them as the enemy, we should remember that our battle is not with flesh and blood, but evil spirits and Satan himself.

3 books of redemption stories

Hello! I am starting to read 3 different books that are written by Christians testifying of how they came to know Christ.

Interestingly, all three authors came from a background of sexual brokenness or abuse. I guess I have a hunger to understand better what it's like to be in and come out of that.

The books are:

Undaunted: one man's real-life journey from unspeakable memories to unbelievable grace... By Josh McDowell with Cristobal Krusen. (Tyndale, 2012)

Out of a Far Country: a gay son's journey to God, a broken mother's search for hope by Christopher Yuan and Angela Yuan. (Colorado Springs: WaterBrook Press, 2011)

And (I haven't gotten this one in the mail yet)
The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert by Rosaria Champagne Butterfield.

I'm super excited to read these and might write some stuff here about them! Also, I heard about these people and their books through radio interviews, and Christopher Yuan is a professor at my alma mater.

Lastly, though I frequently read and listen to things that are nonChristian, there can be only edification in reading books by Christians about the things of Christ. I don't live in a bubble, but I do long for the better things. Just a thought.

Profound quote on Christian persuasiveness

This morning I was reading a blog by Peter Leithart reporting on a debate between Douglas Wilson and Paul Sullivan on gay marriage. We Christians pretty much 'lose' all debates in this arena. And concerning that the author writes,

"In the end, these dilemmas may not matter. Perhaps Christians are called to do no more than speak the truth without worrying about persuasiveness. Perhaps we have entered a phase in which God has closed ears, so that whatever we say sounds like so much gibberish. We can depend on the Spirit to give ears as He pleases."

True that.

On being an everyday apologist

I am continually surprised and at the same time discouraged by how many people who have called themselves Christians in the past are doing things against... let's call it, 'traditions'. I don't mean this self-righteously. I'm tempted to do the same things they now do, but the grace of God sustains me. I don't really talk to any of these people anymore.

But I make war on the doubts that creep up in my mind. I'm troubled. I'm burdened. I'm struggling. But I'm not defeated because of God in me. Over the years, even in Bible college, I've been through serious doubts about God and about Christ and about the Bible. But in the bloody pits of these battles I call out to God and He sustains me. Sometimes I don't even call out to God, and ignore Him; yet still, he speaks to me. He reveals himself to me. He shows his love to me. 

I don't know if these people who fell away did that, or what kind of pain they have been through, or anything. I don't really know them, I just see and hear about what they do. And I read about the kinds of thoughts and philosophies that lead to a denial of our faith and a free license to do whatever they want without fear of God. 

But nothing strengthens faith like discouragement, opposition or persecution. I turn over in my mind the claims of those against my faith. And I'd like to write more about what goes in on my brain here. 

My hesitation has always been the crap that people will throw at me, or the kinds of things they will say behind my back. Or to my face, since the internet makes people more rude and bold at times. 

But if I am staying true to my conscience, to what I feel God's Spirit leading me to do, and if I am doing nothing against the plain word of God, then I have nothing to be ashamed over. It's not shameful to be passionate about what's good. And if my passion for what's good makes someone feel guilty for being passionate about bad things, but they cover up their guilt with anger and hate and snappy remarks, I'm told that I'm blessed in receiving that. But am I throwing the proverbial pearls before the proverbial swine?

So maybe I'll go out of my comfort zone a bit. I'll start blogging about being an 'everyday apologist', with a Bible in one hand and a baby in the other. As I'm washing dishes and thinking, or as I'm watching Carson play and thinking, ... maybe I'll write some of those thoughts here. Maybe not.

Let me make one thing clear: I have no reason to hold myself above anyone who lives differently than me. I am just 'one beggar telling another beggar where to get bread.'

If I sound self-righteous to any of you, you have misunderstood me and I'm sorry. I work all day every day at setting aside my pride and checking my motives. I've almost gone insane over it, but for the assurance of God's acceptance of me by Christ.

Just remember this: I have the right to type these things, and so far, the American government has not restricted that right. I thank God for that and pray He uses me for His glory. 

His glory is the only worthy reason to writing about defending the orthodox Christian faith. 

Controversial Questions

source: sbts.edu/women/seminary-wives-institute/

Well I've sure been a slacker when it comes to SWI. It's a great resource for the ladies not in seminary around here, and I'd been taking only electives and not core classes for... ahem... 5 years now! lol. I can't believe it's been 5 years. In 5 years I have taken 6 electives, 2 required, and a combined total of 2 years off. Of course they aren't super strict with it. I've never been told: "You have to take this course or we'll kick you out!"

It was honestly hard to get into SWI because I had just finished getting a B.A. in Bible at Moody when we moved here 5 years ago. It wasn't so much that I had nothing new to learn, but that I was a bit burnt out from intense theological studies and paper writing and reading and wanted to relax and take more directly applicable classes. 

My favorite so far has been Nuts and Bolts of Local Church Ministry, which taught all new material for me and required us to read Liberating Ministry from the Success Syndrome by Hughes. I can't say enough good things about that book or that class. But especially the book - all the things that people get disillusioned with when it comes to church, all the obstacles a man like my husband faces in his ministry career... it all has it's cure in the Scriptural principles that Liberating puts forth. "Success is serving... success is praying... success is loving... success is faithfulness... success is prayer... success is attitude... success is holiness..." Those are the chapter headings. It sounds cheesy but when you get into the book, it makes perfect sense. 

Anyhoo, I was going to talk about the current SWI course that I'm signed up for. It's called Controversial Questions. It deals with creation and evolution, government and law, sexuality and gender (uh-oh...), family and children, medicine and bioethics, and doctrine and Scripture. 

If anyone reading my blogs in the past hasn't noticed, I kind of have a thing for controversies. It bothers me that all kinds or people, even people with less education than me in these areas, will proclaim their opinions and rants on the internet and get a lot of agreement, not because they are saying anything true, but because they are mad or hurt and are saying what peoples' itching ears want to hear. It's especially hard when I see people my age, who I've known from church or bible college, denying what they used to hold to for the sake of having their itching ears relieved for a time.

Not only do these things bother me, but my own questions and disillusioning experiences and doubts are what drive me to seek answers. When someone seeks answers to their questions with a heart that believes their God is good, a heart that is willing to feel hurt and be healed, those answers are easy to find. Hard to apply. God gives wisdom to those who ask. But when someone seeks answers that satisfy their desire for revenge or to cast blame, including on God, or answers that justify the things they do that are not pleasing to God, they'll find the fake answers. 

I don't profess tons of knowledge gained in experience in these areas, but I have enough experience of churches to know that you can never go to a church expecting a utopia. The only utopia that will exist on earth is when Jesus returns. But when utopia-seekers join a church and become disillusioned, they blame it on their local church or denomination. They leave. They cast judgments and use their bitterness as fuel for snide remarks. This reaction is just wrong.

What is stopping me from joining this online discussion and providing another perspective? Again, many people I read don't have any more educational experience than I do, especially in Biblical studies. Maybe someday I'll jump in an be an orthodox voice in the debates. The holdback is the drama. Sigh, the drama. The ad hominem and the name-calling. The slippery slopes and the straw men. If I jump in, I may never come out alive!

Downton Abbey Season 3 (revised post)

Oh. my. word. 

I just finished Downton Abbey season three, because my mom, who has a special membership with PBS, got me the DVDs for Christmas. So of course I finished the season within 2 days! (I was also sick, so I had time to lay around ;) )

Since I don't want to spoil it for my friends, I will use words to describe how I feel. 

UGH. Frustrated. Shocked. 

None of those above words are shocking because, well, it's Downton Abbey. They always want to shock. :P

A TV show is a TV show, and I was thankful to see a real life sunset tonight, knowing that real life is much different than Downton Abbey.

I will say, they have changed some of the characters' personalities. They have an agenda to communicate, so they made Carson and Lord Grantham more intolerant and bigoted to prove their point. People love having bigots to scowl upon, because it always makes someone feel good to have someone else to look down on!

But both Carson and Lord Grantham, from the beginning of Downton, were kind, sweet and fatherly. Now they are harsh and cold-hearted, at least much of the screen time. Suddenly upholding even the most minute of traditions is more important that kindness. This was not the case at first. I hate that they sacrificed the fatherly figures of the show just to make a social point. And it doesn't make the point for me, sorry! It only muddles social issues and makes them more messy. 

However, that change is the only thing I didn't like about the season! I love how redemptive the show is as a whole. Each character goes through a kind of personal redemption (without naming Christ of course). The most inspiring redemptive story for me was Mary's story through seasons 1 and 2.  

And when it comes to tolerance, I will say that they made a great point about it when Thomas makes a new friend (not 'lover') at the end of Season 3. Bravo for that. It makes a point that all evangelicals I think mean at heart: that though we disagree with any immoral actions, showing general kindness to others is one way we desire show Christ's love. Yes, Christ's love has a tough side. A very tough side. But He's God and we're not. :)

Plans foiled

I had plans today to clean the whole house, but instead it will be getting messier (and germier!). I hate the stomach bug, but it does bring our family together! haha.

So while Carson naps and David catches his sleep after UPS, I'm working on one of my little side jobs - editing papers for an international seminary student. I met her while we worked together at Southern almost 2 years ago now, and she pays me to edit her papers for grammar and clarity of thought. 

It's a really interesting perspective, doing this. I get to see into the mind of someone who is not American and someone who has a huge heart for missions. But also from the perspective of translation. I have to be very careful to not impose the meaning I gather from what she writes over the meaning that she intended to write. Not only would this be unethical, but it would change her meaning, perhaps without her realizing it! The meanings of words can be so subtle at times. 

I heart Moody Radio

My days are filled with repetitive housework, kid-loving and cooking. Instead of listening to my thoughts, spending more time online or watching netflix, I recently made the choice to use my Moody Radio app. 

It really improved my thought life and overall moods of the day to be listening to bible verses, good preaching, informative interviews, etc. They even have a station that is all sermons. Spending most of the day without other people around except Goo can get a little quiet, and I've not always filled the vacuum with the best things, but I think the radio station of my alma mater is the best choice yet :)

Reading "Quiet" as an Extrovert, #2

I finished the first part of the book today, which is actually the longest part. The whole point of part 1 is to introduce how American culture has idealized being extroverted to its detriment, and that the ideal cultural function would really be a balance between the two.

I enjoyed the introduction, and by Susan Cain's informal standards, I may not be 100% extrovert. I love solitude, and I do prefer to be a lone to think a lot. More on that later.

I also notice that Cain is very proud of being an introvert. I understand that she writes as an introvert herself and probably doesn't see anything wrong with her pride, but as she describes the stupidity of extroversion's harmful dominance of our society in chapter one, I get the impression that she thinks extroversion is the big evil in the U.S. today. I could be wrong about that, so don't quote me.

On a positive note, I really enjoyed her insights in the Intro and first chapter. It helps to understand introversion as in a person's nature and a part of God's beautiful design. I agree that our culture needs introverts.

Chapter two takes stock of today's leaders, drawing on the history of the rise of extroversion in chapter one. Her description of Harvard Business School, for example, really scared me.

Among the myriad of research and studies she discusses, she brings out a point that introverts leading extroverts are more effective than extroverts leading introverts though a couple of studies. "...it makes sense that introverts are uniquely good at leading initiative-takers" (57). I've found this so true in my own life! As in, I love following the lead of someone who is quiet, vs. cowering under a domineering, yelling person. Who doesn't?

But along with this example, Cain makes one point that I think blurs the line between the definition of "extrovert" and "proud". She says, "Extroverts, on the other hand, can be so intent on putting their own stamp on events that they risk losing others' good ideas along the way and allowing workers to lapse into passivity." I see that this statement is softened with "can" versus "do [put their stamp on events]", and that she says two sentences later that extroverts are better at getting results than introverts. But on the same token, I notice this tendency in the first 50-odd pages, that I hope doesn't continue: that is, making pride and extroversion partners, and humility and introversion partners. Repetitively she describes obnoxious extroverts, shallow extroverts, and selfish extroverts.

In my view, extroversion is not equivalent to obnoxiousness, superficiality or selfishness. It's a Venn diagram. I struggle with selfishness not because I am an extrovert but because I am a human with a sin nature, like 100% of humans.

On the same token, I have found myself being obnoxious, saying things I regret, and being selfish. I do wish I was more introverted at times, and I admire introverted qualities in my friends and family a lot! I just hope they don't only see me or all extroverts as obnoxious and selfish. Of course, taking time to dwell on the faults of those around you can make you pretty proud, whether or not you are introverted or extroverted.

I look forward to reading the rest of the book as time allows, and am glad that the entire book is not only critique.

One more thing... Susan Cain and I don't share many similar views on human nature and creation, so I'll be more skeptical than the average reader. I will be pointing out flaws, but I suppose I'm allowed to do that on my blog. :)

Reading "Quiet" as an Extrovert

My dear friend Elsbeth recently recommended that I read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain. I picked it up from the library today and have already made headway into chapter one. But before I read it I want to write down some thoughts, and see if they change by what this lady writes.

I married an introvert and my close friends are all introverts. My mom is an introvert. But I'm an extrovert.

Sometimes there are struggles as someone who is as expressive, vocal and confrontational as me to be friends or in family with people who are more quiet and thoughtful. The first struggle is that I feel stupid a lot. Sometimes it's hard not to say some of the first things that come into my brain. It's nice to write on the internet and have a filter there, so it makes me less stupid sounding. :) With my introverted husband (he pretends to be extroverted outside the home) I apologize a lot. Most of the time, he listens and I talk. He is very thoughtful and processes life non-verbally. I, on the other hand, verbally process most things.

The feeling of stupidity is so strong that I don't quite resound with the books first premise: that extroversion is held in high esteem in our society. Not in my little society! (And, not for at least a third of Americans, according to Cain) Many times I feel like the people I know have to bear with me.

I recently re-read my favorite novel, Pride and Prejudice, and noticed that Mrs. Bennet, along with being pretty shallow, is an extrovert and is thought foolish for showing "violent" emotion and having "effusions" of joy or lots of "nervous complaints". She is a huge extrovert, and the protagonist Lizzy is an introvert - I think. Yet Lizzy is smart, and her mom and younger sister Lydia, the extroverts, are stupid. Great, now I feel stupid even reading my favorite novel!

The second struggle is a feeling of imbalance in relationships. As an extrovert I initiate a lot of things with my friends, or at least I have more in the past. When they don't initiate as much, or barely at all, in return, it begins to give me the impression that they don't like me as much, or that they only see me out of obligation because I seem needy to them. It has actually been painful at times. In my marriage I share a lot of my feelings and thoughts on a daily basis. My husband on the other hand, when asked how he "feels" about something, he needs time to think about it.

Thirdly, as a stay-at-home Mom I get a little antsy if it's just me and my son all day. The struggle is that my husband has the personality for my job and I have the personality for his jobs!

The main reason I want to read and learn from this book is for my marriage. Also, I'd like to wade through these struggles and deal with the hurt feelings I have been experiencing for years now. Maybe my introverted family and friends will have input on my reflections on this book, or will want to read it themselves.

I don't know if this lady is a believer in Christ, so I will be taking things that she writes with a grain of salt. One big hunkin' grain of salt is that with pop psychology, the "victim" mentality is huge. As a Christian, I see myself in life's circumstances as both victim and victimize-r. It's only fair.

In fact, as an extrovert I tend to feel more the latter than the former. It's harder being an extrovert than our culture makes it out to be!

Homosexuality and the Bible - Not in my words :)

Here is a great response to some recent dialogue on homosexuality and the Bible by an influential and strong Christian man, a professor at the Bible college I attended. He also has a history of homosexual activity and has HIV. Because he was a professor while I was in college, I came to know him and personally benefited from his advice about my interactions with a lesbian co-worker a couple years ago. He told me that the most important thing to discuss with this girl is not her sexuality, but the Gospel.

This guy puts it better than me, but I wanted to share it to spread what God's Word really has to say about this important and tense issue.

Also, I just want to say, that I do love my gay friends. I don't hate them.

updates and thoughts

Well, I think we are much more settled in our new home and neighborhood. We fit in better in a town than a city. But I have been busier than ever, and never has it been more obvious to me that one of the last things on my priority list is being on facebook, watching netflix or on this blog.

At a SAHM I've been spending my time in many ways. The last few days I have been constantly monitoring Carson, because he learned to crawl on August 7th, a week from turning 8 months. In addition to that, my obvious priority as a mom is my relationships with David and Carson. I have also been racing to finish editing a Korean seminary student's papers. She writes them before the semester, and sends them to me. It is very time-consuming, but it is my part-time job right now. I have been cooking a ton, and we rarely eat out now. Our new gas stove is wonderful! It's a big treat to have a new appliance.

Basil

My newest and most refreshing hobby is yard work. I love being outdoors. I wait until Carson's nap, and use the monitor to go out and weed or plant. I do a lot of laundry. Also this summer we have had many family visitors, or have gone to see them. I have many more chores now that we have a house. I love keeping up with friends too.

Carson and great-grandpa

My reading this summer has been great. Lineage of Grace by Francine Rivers, The Bible, Little Women (again), and Liberating Ministry from the Success Syndrome by Kent and Barbara Hughes. I discovered the last book in an SWI class over a year ago, and it has been an enormous encouragement. Also, it's about time to re-read Pride and Prejudice. That has been my favorite for over ten years.

When we have time to relax, we watch Warehouse 13 because we are nerdy. Also Top Shot, Yo Gabba Gabba (Carson's fav), and some movies. I saw Vanity Fair and hated it. What I really hate is that genre of movie or book. I know they are making a point, but the way they make it is not entertaining in a wholesome or comforting, hahaha!

In order to keep my priorities straight, I have avoided getting into the Chick-fil-A controversy. I can get passionate about things like that, but from the outside it looks like a bunch of name-calling and victimizing on both sides. I think Satan uses the culture wars as a huge distraction from spreading the good news about Jesus, especially to people my age.

Also, for a long time now I have been wanting to leave facebook. I can't bring myself to do it because of keeping in touch with precious friends from Moody and/or overseas, or friends long distance or being seeing pictures of their lives and kids. I know however that my view of reality might be a little more accurate without facebook tempting me when I feel lonely. I won't have to worry about the effects of what I post will have on 587 different people, most of whom don't care to read what I post. Besides, I got along the first 20 years of my life without facebook just fine! Now I almost feel like I can't live without it, and I feel uneasy about that.

i love to read!

TGC Women's Recommended Reading

I read through this list, and though I've only read a few of them, I'd love to read more!

On Being Relevant

My generation is sort of interesting. Well, I bet all generations were interesting when they were in their 20's.

The 90's yielded a lot of Christian cliches which are now mocked by us who are or used to call themselves Christians. We've grappled with postmodernism, homosexuality and the emerging church. We were in our teens when the year 2000 came and when 9/11 happened. There's also been a huge upsurge in evangelicalism and it's grappling with culture, between separating from and engaging in it. My generation is a few years out of college and ready to save the world.

All that to say... what's the same about my generation as with those previous is this: we all think we have something new and fresh to offer. We purposely want to reject what the previous generation did because it is old, harmful, restrictive, and irrelevant.

It's a lie that my generation has something new and fresh to offer. What's trendy or in style always changes, and those who are trendy like to mock those who aren't. What's theologically "traditional" and "new" has never changed in substance. If you study church history the same debates we have as Christians now they had then. There is always someone ready to deny what "has been" taught in church and there is always someone to fight against it. And then there's everyone else talking about it. It dies down, and several hundred years later it crops up in a different form with a different name.

It's a lie that my generation has something new and fresh to offer because,

"What has been is what will be,

and what has been done is what will be done,

and there is nothing new under the sun" (Ecc. 1:9).

Now that I have a son to raise, my perspective on my generation has changed. All day I care for, nourish and clean my son (babies have a lot of bodily fluids, I find). He is totally dependent on me. I don't have much time to sit around and navel gaze about what's the right way to "engage" in culture as a Christian. The time and money to buy the latest fashions is not available in large amounts...

When I read the Bible I find constant reminders of God's immutability. God never changes, and man does. While culture vacillates between new and old, right and left, stupid and stupider, God is still God.

As a mother I have to cling to God, not a culture or way of life. If my focus is on denying what my parents taught me, what good does that teach my son? If my focus is "not this, not that", what will the vacuum be filled with? I will teach my son my "Yes".

It truly is a waste of time to focus on denying and rejecting things. Cynicism is not the answer to the mistakes of the previous generation. I think maturity as a Christian is being able to move on from that and cling to God. That's what I'll strive for as a mother.