Not just 'airing my opinions'

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I love blogging and writing (when my charge allows) and could sit in front of this cheapo screen all day reading and writing. I think I even cherish this subconscious dream of becoming a writer of sorts, though I know I couldn't and wouldn't want to handle the stress, criticism and attention.

So I content myself to read the famous blogs. In recent months I've come to see why certain bloggers or authors get famous and others don't: The blogs that attract all the attention are people ranting and venting about being victimized in some form or another. Even worse, sometimes these bloggers have only a beginning or absolutely no formal education in the topic they are ranting about. And their readers, including myself, would rather read a short but attention-getting blog post rather than go to the library and read a more thoroughly researched, professionally edited and published work on the topic.

I notice that when I write about how I've been mistreated by someone and get snappish with my words, giving vent to my anger, that the post gets a lot of hits and feedback. When I write about every day things, being faithful in caring for family or just updates, or what God is teaching me through the Bible, it's usually not noticed that much.

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I know why this is. It's in our nature to flock to passionate causes, but also in our nature to flock to that which itches our ears, which causes us to feel that satisfaction of wrath against a real or perceived injustice, to even cherish our hatred of one group of people or another. It's in our nature to be hateful. It really is.

God has convicted me of this. It is wrong for me to use online resources for passive-aggressive behavior. It is wrong for me to use online means to give vent to and nourish my bitterness or anger! And whenever I've found myself in the situation of posting something like this, I'm ashamed. I also realize that I posted that thing without praying first, and that I hadn't been in God's Word recently when I did. Instead, I marinated my mind in thoughts written by someone not in a Christ-like frame of mind, or something who denies Christ altogether. Furthermore I realize that what I posted was just my rantings and opinions, usually not researched or in adequate response to something I've thoroughly studied. It is usually and solely an emotional reaction because of my offended pride.

Could it be that the Christian life requires someone to be extra careful with what they post online? I really think so. Could it be that a faithful Christian has a 'boring' online representation of their life? Yes! And I'm ok with that. In the context of contentment in any life situation Paul wrote, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

This means that I, as someone who loves to blog about my opinions, can through Christ's strength run those opinions through His Word and test to see if they are pleasing to Him before I post them. I can deny myself the emotional satisfaction of "getting back" at someone for hurting me. I can gain the courage to approach that person and talk to them face-to-face if they have hurt me. I regret that I've not done this in the past when I should. I always suffered from guilt or drama because of it. One or more relationships were strained. Most of all, anger and bitterness were allowed to take root and grow and prosper, making their presence in my heart more permanent and dangerous. It actually causes my spirit to die, the part of me that wants to seek and love God with all my heart. It stifles the hunger I've had in the past to know Him, and eradicates the hunger for time in the Word. It makes me friendships with people surfacey and shallow, never talking about the things of the Lord. It makes my view of reality to be shaped by worldly influences rather than the refreshing power of God's revealed words.

Now that I've further realized this I hope to change it by God's grace.

On being an everyday apologist

I am continually surprised and at the same time discouraged by how many people who have called themselves Christians in the past are doing things against... let's call it, 'traditions'. I don't mean this self-righteously. I'm tempted to do the same things they now do, but the grace of God sustains me. I don't really talk to any of these people anymore.

But I make war on the doubts that creep up in my mind. I'm troubled. I'm burdened. I'm struggling. But I'm not defeated because of God in me. Over the years, even in Bible college, I've been through serious doubts about God and about Christ and about the Bible. But in the bloody pits of these battles I call out to God and He sustains me. Sometimes I don't even call out to God, and ignore Him; yet still, he speaks to me. He reveals himself to me. He shows his love to me. 

I don't know if these people who fell away did that, or what kind of pain they have been through, or anything. I don't really know them, I just see and hear about what they do. And I read about the kinds of thoughts and philosophies that lead to a denial of our faith and a free license to do whatever they want without fear of God. 

But nothing strengthens faith like discouragement, opposition or persecution. I turn over in my mind the claims of those against my faith. And I'd like to write more about what goes in on my brain here. 

My hesitation has always been the crap that people will throw at me, or the kinds of things they will say behind my back. Or to my face, since the internet makes people more rude and bold at times. 

But if I am staying true to my conscience, to what I feel God's Spirit leading me to do, and if I am doing nothing against the plain word of God, then I have nothing to be ashamed over. It's not shameful to be passionate about what's good. And if my passion for what's good makes someone feel guilty for being passionate about bad things, but they cover up their guilt with anger and hate and snappy remarks, I'm told that I'm blessed in receiving that. But am I throwing the proverbial pearls before the proverbial swine?

So maybe I'll go out of my comfort zone a bit. I'll start blogging about being an 'everyday apologist', with a Bible in one hand and a baby in the other. As I'm washing dishes and thinking, or as I'm watching Carson play and thinking, ... maybe I'll write some of those thoughts here. Maybe not.

Let me make one thing clear: I have no reason to hold myself above anyone who lives differently than me. I am just 'one beggar telling another beggar where to get bread.'

If I sound self-righteous to any of you, you have misunderstood me and I'm sorry. I work all day every day at setting aside my pride and checking my motives. I've almost gone insane over it, but for the assurance of God's acceptance of me by Christ.

Just remember this: I have the right to type these things, and so far, the American government has not restricted that right. I thank God for that and pray He uses me for His glory. 

His glory is the only worthy reason to writing about defending the orthodox Christian faith. 

Downton Abbey Season 3 (revised post)

Oh. my. word. 

I just finished Downton Abbey season three, because my mom, who has a special membership with PBS, got me the DVDs for Christmas. So of course I finished the season within 2 days! (I was also sick, so I had time to lay around ;) )

Since I don't want to spoil it for my friends, I will use words to describe how I feel. 

UGH. Frustrated. Shocked. 

None of those above words are shocking because, well, it's Downton Abbey. They always want to shock. :P

A TV show is a TV show, and I was thankful to see a real life sunset tonight, knowing that real life is much different than Downton Abbey.

I will say, they have changed some of the characters' personalities. They have an agenda to communicate, so they made Carson and Lord Grantham more intolerant and bigoted to prove their point. People love having bigots to scowl upon, because it always makes someone feel good to have someone else to look down on!

But both Carson and Lord Grantham, from the beginning of Downton, were kind, sweet and fatherly. Now they are harsh and cold-hearted, at least much of the screen time. Suddenly upholding even the most minute of traditions is more important that kindness. This was not the case at first. I hate that they sacrificed the fatherly figures of the show just to make a social point. And it doesn't make the point for me, sorry! It only muddles social issues and makes them more messy. 

However, that change is the only thing I didn't like about the season! I love how redemptive the show is as a whole. Each character goes through a kind of personal redemption (without naming Christ of course). The most inspiring redemptive story for me was Mary's story through seasons 1 and 2.  

And when it comes to tolerance, I will say that they made a great point about it when Thomas makes a new friend (not 'lover') at the end of Season 3. Bravo for that. It makes a point that all evangelicals I think mean at heart: that though we disagree with any immoral actions, showing general kindness to others is one way we desire show Christ's love. Yes, Christ's love has a tough side. A very tough side. But He's God and we're not. :)

Snapshots of Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving was memorable to us in many ways! First of all, as always we can't travel because of David's supervisory role at UPS during 'peak season'. I missed my parents and bro, but luckily his parents came, and we invited a few orphaned family friends Thanksgiving day as well. 

Second, I went out of my cooking comfort zone! I made things from scratch that I haven't before, and the result was okay. 

I made this pie and crust from scratch

Stuffing getting ready to be dried in the oven 

veggies for stuffing

getting the table ready

My turkey with honey-herb glaze... had to get that shiny skin picture in somewhere!

No Thanksgiving dinner is complete without a begging animal, preferably a dog. He came with David's parents!

I almost went to the extra trouble of making some amazing sign from Pinterest, but then 8-year-old Maddie came with her own! Problem solved :)

Here are some of our honored guests!

Tessa being silly

The Jenkins', minus Josiah who is sleeping in the other room

Some of the Preston kids

hahaha... After I took this picture, Allison kindly asked if I warn her before I do that! Glenn is feeding Skipper, Logan is talking to Judy,  Maddie is telling it like it is

Lest you think our Thanksgiving was all peachy, stay tuned... the stomach bug made it's appearance that night! 

This week's highlights

Sunday was a blast, as always. We loved getting together the Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes. Carson, however, did a lot of screaming in the nursery the whole day. He is teething pretty bad, and also has separation anxiety. It's kind of hard on me, but luckily the nursery workers were willing to put up with some screaming... all of them veterans and moms :) That's one of the things I love about our church: all the other moms there who have been through all those crazy stages. They are always so reassuring and for that I'm so thankful!

Monday I did crazy catch-up housework, grocery shopping and cleaning. This was also to get ready to have some friends over for lunch Tuesday, all the way from Romania!!! 

On tuesday Kristie and Boing came, and as they arrived we had half a dozen cop cars on a nearby corner. Turns out they arrested a guy for a murder that happened in the ghetto apartment complex that is nearby. It may be close, but our neighborhood doesn't see much of the crime they have, and usually their crime is among themselves. Anyhoo, our time with the delightful couple was wonderful, as I wrote about in my other post. 

Wednesday was teaching piano like normal to Josh and Brianna. I love seeing Angela when I can!

Our fruit trees were delivered, which came bare and without dirt in one very long cardboard box. I wasn't sure what to do with it, and was busy so I left it on the porch for when David got home. 

Well, when he got home the box was gone! I knew I hadn't moved it so we immediately realized we had been robbed! (so we thought) I called the police to make a report and David walked around the outside of our house. Then we went knocking on our neighbor's doors to see if they saw anything. When we came to one neighbor's door who is particularly watchful and heads up the neighborhood watch, we found that they had taken the box inside for fear it would be stolen, lol. Phew!

I have dubbed this week, "CRIME WEEK". Murderers and thieves!

On thursday I woke up thinking about things that need to get done around the house, as in repairs and renovations. Some of them are small and easy, so I decided to take them on as Carson allows. At the same time I had to go hunting for a printer cartridge so print labels for our Operation Christmas Child boxes.

our church did 12 Operation Christmas Child boxes!

Then alas, our upstairs toilet broke, and the closet door.

~~~~

Answered prayer! We have prayed for a while that God would use our house and it's space for His glory and to serve others, especially in our church! We he answered that prayer this week by having some of our friends bring their kids over. I love having them over. 

Before going to bed thursday night I was shocked to see my friend Sara calling. Carl needed to go to the hospital so their kids slept at our place for the night. 

here we are, watching Sean the Sheep the next morning.

The next day we also had Caleb over for a little bit.

"No Carson, don't break my tower!"

Safe from the Carson monster

On Saturday I got to help the Jenkins' with their new condo, which is a pretty nice place! I can't wait for them to have us over :) haha

I heart Moody Radio

My days are filled with repetitive housework, kid-loving and cooking. Instead of listening to my thoughts, spending more time online or watching netflix, I recently made the choice to use my Moody Radio app. 

It really improved my thought life and overall moods of the day to be listening to bible verses, good preaching, informative interviews, etc. They even have a station that is all sermons. Spending most of the day without other people around except Goo can get a little quiet, and I've not always filled the vacuum with the best things, but I think the radio station of my alma mater is the best choice yet :)

On Being Relevant

My generation is sort of interesting. Well, I bet all generations were interesting when they were in their 20's.

The 90's yielded a lot of Christian cliches which are now mocked by us who are or used to call themselves Christians. We've grappled with postmodernism, homosexuality and the emerging church. We were in our teens when the year 2000 came and when 9/11 happened. There's also been a huge upsurge in evangelicalism and it's grappling with culture, between separating from and engaging in it. My generation is a few years out of college and ready to save the world.

All that to say... what's the same about my generation as with those previous is this: we all think we have something new and fresh to offer. We purposely want to reject what the previous generation did because it is old, harmful, restrictive, and irrelevant.

It's a lie that my generation has something new and fresh to offer. What's trendy or in style always changes, and those who are trendy like to mock those who aren't. What's theologically "traditional" and "new" has never changed in substance. If you study church history the same debates we have as Christians now they had then. There is always someone ready to deny what "has been" taught in church and there is always someone to fight against it. And then there's everyone else talking about it. It dies down, and several hundred years later it crops up in a different form with a different name.

It's a lie that my generation has something new and fresh to offer because,

"What has been is what will be,

and what has been done is what will be done,

and there is nothing new under the sun" (Ecc. 1:9).

Now that I have a son to raise, my perspective on my generation has changed. All day I care for, nourish and clean my son (babies have a lot of bodily fluids, I find). He is totally dependent on me. I don't have much time to sit around and navel gaze about what's the right way to "engage" in culture as a Christian. The time and money to buy the latest fashions is not available in large amounts...

When I read the Bible I find constant reminders of God's immutability. God never changes, and man does. While culture vacillates between new and old, right and left, stupid and stupider, God is still God.

As a mother I have to cling to God, not a culture or way of life. If my focus is on denying what my parents taught me, what good does that teach my son? If my focus is "not this, not that", what will the vacuum be filled with? I will teach my son my "Yes".

It truly is a waste of time to focus on denying and rejecting things. Cynicism is not the answer to the mistakes of the previous generation. I think maturity as a Christian is being able to move on from that and cling to God. That's what I'll strive for as a mother.