Butterfield's book, homosexuality, etc.

I haven't written in a while! I think it's been 11 days, which is a record. I'm sure the internet missed another person's opinions.... anyway...

I've been taking this time to let Rosaria Champagne Butterfield's testimonial book just sink into my soul. Like I said, I'm in the process of reading 3 different books giving autobiographical testimony of conversions, all of which come from some sort of sexual brokenness. This is in an effort to understand where people come from to Christ, and how better to relate to them, befriend them and love them.

And Carson starts fussing now... this is the other reason why writing blog posts is hard! Having a crazy, adventurous toddler! That being said, I don't really have time to write any kind of comprehensive review of her book. I'm glad that's not my job. So I want to write about how her book changed my life!

Rosaria went from being a feminist, lesbian English professor studying Queer Theory in New York to being now a wife, pastor's wife and adoptive parent. She describes her conversion as a trainwreck, traumatizing and just really hard! She says that as she read through the Bible to refute it, and met with her new friend, a Reformed Presbyterian minister, the Word of God got bigger in her than herself. She had a lot of ups and downs along the way, but I'll save those for your own reading.

Two things powerfully struck my in the beginning of reading this book. 1) Her critiques of American evangelicals, and 2) the role of pastor Ken Smith as a friend and advocate in her search through the Bible (before she left her lesbian lifestyle).

1) When I first read her critiques of evangelicals I was offended. I felt my face get hot as I read it. I didn't like reading all the things that people like me are doing wrong toward the gay community. I knew she was right though! When I read through this part of the book a second time, having read the story of her conversion, it was easier to read. 

Examples:

"Here is one of the deepest way Christians scared me: the lesbian community was home and home felt safe and secure; the people that I knew the best and cared about were in that community; and finally, the lesbian community was accepting and welcoming while the Christian community appeared (and too often is) exclusive, judgmental, scornful and afraid of diversity..." pg 5 (italics mine).

"[Christians] appeared to use the Bible... in order to bring the Bible into a conversation to stop the conversation, not deepen it" pg 4.

"I'm grateful that the Lord brought me to a church that was as strong on teaching as it is on compassion... My lesbian friends had to learn that not all Christians are bigots. My Christian friends had to learn that Christians have a lot to learn from gay and lesbian folks about mercy work... I didn't know how to bridge the two groups..." pgs 23-24.

Here is a long one, but this one powerfully struck me:

"Shortly after becoming a Christian, I counseled a woman who was in a closeted lesbian relationship and a member of a Bible-believing church. No one in her church knew. Therefore, no one in her church was praying for her. Therefore, she sought and received no counsel. There was no "bearing one with the other" for her. No confession. No repentance. No healing. No joy in Christ. Just isolation. And shame. And pretense. Someone had sold her the pack of lies that said that God can heal your lying tongue or your broken heart, even cure your cancer if he chooses, but he can't transform your sexuality... She said: 'Rosaria, if people in my church really believed that gay people could be transformed by Christ, they wouldn't talk about us and pray about us in the hateful way that they do.'

"Christian reader, is this what people say about you when they hear you talk and pray? Do your prayers rise no higher than your prejudice? 

"I think that churches would be places of greater intimacy and growth in Christ if people stopped lying about what we need, what we fear, where we fail, and how we sin... And I suspect that instead of seeking counsel and direction from those stronger in the Lord, we retreat into our isolation and shame and let the sin wash over us, defeating us again" pg. 25.

Wow. 

2) The friendship that this Reformed Presbyterian minister and his wife, Ken and Floy, formed with this nonChristian, Christian-hating lesbian activist was truly loving and authentic. And to be loving and authentic he did not have to approve of the homosexual lifestyle. But he did have to go against what most Christians do today, which is to separate themselves from close friendship with anyone in the LGBT community. 

There were some notable components of their friendship... the fact that he didn't just invite her to church and quote a ton of Scriptures at her, that they didn't treat her like a project, scapegoat, blank slate for them to write on, or example of warning to Christians. He didn't humiliate her. He didn't just talk about sexual issues all the time. It seems like to me they talked mostly about the Bible and Jesus and Christianity. Mainly because she was writing something against the Christian Right and needed to study the Smiths. 

She says, 

"Before I ever set foot in a church, I spent two years meeting with Ken and Floy and on and off "studying" scripture and my heart. If Ken and Floy had invited me to church at that first meal I would have careened like a skateboard on a cliff, and would have never come back. Ken, of course, knows the power of the word preached but it seemed to me he also knew at that time that I couldn't come to church - it would have been too threatening, too weird, too much. So, Ken was willing to bring the church to me. This gave me the room and the safety that I need to match Ken and Floy's vulnerability and transparency. And so I opened up to them. I let them know who I was and what I valued. I invited them into my home and into my world. They met my friends, came to my dinner parties, saw me function in my real life. They made themselves safe enough for me to do this" pgs 11-12.

After I read the whole book, one big theme concerning sin and repentance struck me: the true cost of the Christian life in denying oneself and taking up one's cross. In Rosaria's life this can be summed in this sentence: "One doesn't repent for a sin of identity in one session" pg 23. 

We all have to repent of our identities and give our whole selves to Him. We all are depraved and lost without him. And as Christians we should see ourselves on an equal plain with the rest of the condemned, non-believing world, were it not for Christ in us. 

I came away from this book wanting to make more non-believing friends and friends from the gay community. I hate that they have a hard time and many times don't have anyone to share the truth about Christ's love and sacrifice to them. 

I know that Rosaria's case is unique - she sought out this pastor after receiving a letter in response to an article she wrote. He sought her out too, but she had to initiate. She had to study the bible for herself, and she did so because of her academic goals, not because the pastor told her to. Ultimately, it was God who saved Rosaria. He only used the Smiths for a time. I pray that more Christians can do that, especially with what's going on in the U.S. today. I think next week there is some legislation on gay marriage that's getting voted on. Instead of hating the gay community and seeing them as the enemy, we should remember that our battle is not with flesh and blood, but evil spirits and Satan himself.

Recent stuff

Not much exciting has been going on around here! I recently finished he second of the 3 books I mentioned: the one by Rosaria Champagne Butterfield. It was beyond words and God used it in a mighty way in my life. I highly recommend it!

Things continue as normal around here! David is busy with work and school and I am busy at home. Our house is never clean. Just part of life and parenthood.

Undaunted, the story of Josh McDowell

I just finished the book Undaunted by Josh McDowell and Cristobal Krusen (there's also a movie). It tells the story of Josh's life from childhood through his early 20's. The main theme of Undaunted is that despite the hardships and sins in Josh's early life (a drunken father, being sexually abused by their farm hand for years), and Josh's choice to be an agnostic, God redeemed him and has used him for a great purpose: evangelism. 

Not only Josh but members of his family are also saved. This book serves to show God's power to redeem lives and use them for glory. God calls those who are foolish to shame the wise, and the weak to shame the strong. God calls Josh to forgive his father, his brother and his abuser. He shares Christ's love with them by both words and actions. 

A few other things were evident to me: First, God definitely gave this man a bold, extroverted and daring personality. Second, the fact that this book was co-written does not diminish Josh's life story but does it a service. And like any movie or TV show, there are skips in time to show highlights in his life. Lastly, this story of both abuse and redemption is only one of many. I'm sure there are thousands upon thousands of stories like this that never go written. That was obvious to me when working for a time with a children's ministry in Cabrini Green. Most obviously, God's Spirit is working all over the world to bring people to the knowledge of Christ. No one can stop Him. 


I don't want to give away too much of what happens, so I'll stop here! 

3 books of redemption stories

Hello! I am starting to read 3 different books that are written by Christians testifying of how they came to know Christ.

Interestingly, all three authors came from a background of sexual brokenness or abuse. I guess I have a hunger to understand better what it's like to be in and come out of that.

The books are:

Undaunted: one man's real-life journey from unspeakable memories to unbelievable grace... By Josh McDowell with Cristobal Krusen. (Tyndale, 2012)

Out of a Far Country: a gay son's journey to God, a broken mother's search for hope by Christopher Yuan and Angela Yuan. (Colorado Springs: WaterBrook Press, 2011)

And (I haven't gotten this one in the mail yet)
The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert by Rosaria Champagne Butterfield.

I'm super excited to read these and might write some stuff here about them! Also, I heard about these people and their books through radio interviews, and Christopher Yuan is a professor at my alma mater.

Lastly, though I frequently read and listen to things that are nonChristian, there can be only edification in reading books by Christians about the things of Christ. I don't live in a bubble, but I do long for the better things. Just a thought.

Reading "Quiet" as an Extrovert, #2

I finished the first part of the book today, which is actually the longest part. The whole point of part 1 is to introduce how American culture has idealized being extroverted to its detriment, and that the ideal cultural function would really be a balance between the two.

I enjoyed the introduction, and by Susan Cain's informal standards, I may not be 100% extrovert. I love solitude, and I do prefer to be a lone to think a lot. More on that later.

I also notice that Cain is very proud of being an introvert. I understand that she writes as an introvert herself and probably doesn't see anything wrong with her pride, but as she describes the stupidity of extroversion's harmful dominance of our society in chapter one, I get the impression that she thinks extroversion is the big evil in the U.S. today. I could be wrong about that, so don't quote me.

On a positive note, I really enjoyed her insights in the Intro and first chapter. It helps to understand introversion as in a person's nature and a part of God's beautiful design. I agree that our culture needs introverts.

Chapter two takes stock of today's leaders, drawing on the history of the rise of extroversion in chapter one. Her description of Harvard Business School, for example, really scared me.

Among the myriad of research and studies she discusses, she brings out a point that introverts leading extroverts are more effective than extroverts leading introverts though a couple of studies. "...it makes sense that introverts are uniquely good at leading initiative-takers" (57). I've found this so true in my own life! As in, I love following the lead of someone who is quiet, vs. cowering under a domineering, yelling person. Who doesn't?

But along with this example, Cain makes one point that I think blurs the line between the definition of "extrovert" and "proud". She says, "Extroverts, on the other hand, can be so intent on putting their own stamp on events that they risk losing others' good ideas along the way and allowing workers to lapse into passivity." I see that this statement is softened with "can" versus "do [put their stamp on events]", and that she says two sentences later that extroverts are better at getting results than introverts. But on the same token, I notice this tendency in the first 50-odd pages, that I hope doesn't continue: that is, making pride and extroversion partners, and humility and introversion partners. Repetitively she describes obnoxious extroverts, shallow extroverts, and selfish extroverts.

In my view, extroversion is not equivalent to obnoxiousness, superficiality or selfishness. It's a Venn diagram. I struggle with selfishness not because I am an extrovert but because I am a human with a sin nature, like 100% of humans.

On the same token, I have found myself being obnoxious, saying things I regret, and being selfish. I do wish I was more introverted at times, and I admire introverted qualities in my friends and family a lot! I just hope they don't only see me or all extroverts as obnoxious and selfish. Of course, taking time to dwell on the faults of those around you can make you pretty proud, whether or not you are introverted or extroverted.

I look forward to reading the rest of the book as time allows, and am glad that the entire book is not only critique.

One more thing... Susan Cain and I don't share many similar views on human nature and creation, so I'll be more skeptical than the average reader. I will be pointing out flaws, but I suppose I'm allowed to do that on my blog. :)

Reading "Quiet" as an Extrovert

My dear friend Elsbeth recently recommended that I read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain. I picked it up from the library today and have already made headway into chapter one. But before I read it I want to write down some thoughts, and see if they change by what this lady writes.

I married an introvert and my close friends are all introverts. My mom is an introvert. But I'm an extrovert.

Sometimes there are struggles as someone who is as expressive, vocal and confrontational as me to be friends or in family with people who are more quiet and thoughtful. The first struggle is that I feel stupid a lot. Sometimes it's hard not to say some of the first things that come into my brain. It's nice to write on the internet and have a filter there, so it makes me less stupid sounding. :) With my introverted husband (he pretends to be extroverted outside the home) I apologize a lot. Most of the time, he listens and I talk. He is very thoughtful and processes life non-verbally. I, on the other hand, verbally process most things.

The feeling of stupidity is so strong that I don't quite resound with the books first premise: that extroversion is held in high esteem in our society. Not in my little society! (And, not for at least a third of Americans, according to Cain) Many times I feel like the people I know have to bear with me.

I recently re-read my favorite novel, Pride and Prejudice, and noticed that Mrs. Bennet, along with being pretty shallow, is an extrovert and is thought foolish for showing "violent" emotion and having "effusions" of joy or lots of "nervous complaints". She is a huge extrovert, and the protagonist Lizzy is an introvert - I think. Yet Lizzy is smart, and her mom and younger sister Lydia, the extroverts, are stupid. Great, now I feel stupid even reading my favorite novel!

The second struggle is a feeling of imbalance in relationships. As an extrovert I initiate a lot of things with my friends, or at least I have more in the past. When they don't initiate as much, or barely at all, in return, it begins to give me the impression that they don't like me as much, or that they only see me out of obligation because I seem needy to them. It has actually been painful at times. In my marriage I share a lot of my feelings and thoughts on a daily basis. My husband on the other hand, when asked how he "feels" about something, he needs time to think about it.

Thirdly, as a stay-at-home Mom I get a little antsy if it's just me and my son all day. The struggle is that my husband has the personality for my job and I have the personality for his jobs!

The main reason I want to read and learn from this book is for my marriage. Also, I'd like to wade through these struggles and deal with the hurt feelings I have been experiencing for years now. Maybe my introverted family and friends will have input on my reflections on this book, or will want to read it themselves.

I don't know if this lady is a believer in Christ, so I will be taking things that she writes with a grain of salt. One big hunkin' grain of salt is that with pop psychology, the "victim" mentality is huge. As a Christian, I see myself in life's circumstances as both victim and victimize-r. It's only fair.

In fact, as an extrovert I tend to feel more the latter than the former. It's harder being an extrovert than our culture makes it out to be!

updates and thoughts

Well, I think we are much more settled in our new home and neighborhood. We fit in better in a town than a city. But I have been busier than ever, and never has it been more obvious to me that one of the last things on my priority list is being on facebook, watching netflix or on this blog.

At a SAHM I've been spending my time in many ways. The last few days I have been constantly monitoring Carson, because he learned to crawl on August 7th, a week from turning 8 months. In addition to that, my obvious priority as a mom is my relationships with David and Carson. I have also been racing to finish editing a Korean seminary student's papers. She writes them before the semester, and sends them to me. It is very time-consuming, but it is my part-time job right now. I have been cooking a ton, and we rarely eat out now. Our new gas stove is wonderful! It's a big treat to have a new appliance.

Basil

My newest and most refreshing hobby is yard work. I love being outdoors. I wait until Carson's nap, and use the monitor to go out and weed or plant. I do a lot of laundry. Also this summer we have had many family visitors, or have gone to see them. I have many more chores now that we have a house. I love keeping up with friends too.

Carson and great-grandpa

My reading this summer has been great. Lineage of Grace by Francine Rivers, The Bible, Little Women (again), and Liberating Ministry from the Success Syndrome by Kent and Barbara Hughes. I discovered the last book in an SWI class over a year ago, and it has been an enormous encouragement. Also, it's about time to re-read Pride and Prejudice. That has been my favorite for over ten years.

When we have time to relax, we watch Warehouse 13 because we are nerdy. Also Top Shot, Yo Gabba Gabba (Carson's fav), and some movies. I saw Vanity Fair and hated it. What I really hate is that genre of movie or book. I know they are making a point, but the way they make it is not entertaining in a wholesome or comforting, hahaha!

In order to keep my priorities straight, I have avoided getting into the Chick-fil-A controversy. I can get passionate about things like that, but from the outside it looks like a bunch of name-calling and victimizing on both sides. I think Satan uses the culture wars as a huge distraction from spreading the good news about Jesus, especially to people my age.

Also, for a long time now I have been wanting to leave facebook. I can't bring myself to do it because of keeping in touch with precious friends from Moody and/or overseas, or friends long distance or being seeing pictures of their lives and kids. I know however that my view of reality might be a little more accurate without facebook tempting me when I feel lonely. I won't have to worry about the effects of what I post will have on 587 different people, most of whom don't care to read what I post. Besides, I got along the first 20 years of my life without facebook just fine! Now I almost feel like I can't live without it, and I feel uneasy about that.

i love to read!

TGC Women's Recommended Reading

I read through this list, and though I've only read a few of them, I'd love to read more!